The last 72 hours or so have had me on a rollercoaster of emotions. In the same breath of not knowing what to do next or how, I come to grips with new revelations about myself. I’ve been chronically failing at a goal I set for myself and well, a lot of things around me are falling with it. It’s like I can’t quit, but I don’t know how to stop, but I know I have what it takes to conquer with dedication and effort.
Take eating for instance. A few days over the past week or so, I’ve eaten like complete trash. Internally I’m paying for it. I do enough to detox all the bad and then basically dump more bad in. How is that going to get me to my body goal? How is that going to make sure my health is on the steady incline? How can I tell my daughter what she should be doing, if I’m not doing it myself? It’s making me think that maybe certain foods may be an addiction. I have to conquer it if I want to be better, but I’m not sure how. If I don’t figure it out, I won’t get to where I want to be. Self doubt makes me think I’m never going to stop the cycle. Self Awareness says you have everything inside of you to do this, you’re just not using it.
Then I look at my decline financially, which isn’t all under my control, but I still feel there is something I can do. I don’t live in a time where I can rely on 1-2 sources of income. I need at least 4-5 at the moment. What am I doing to get those? Do I truly have enough to self invest? What is a smart thing for me to be doing to earn money? Self awareness is letting me know that I don’t have the answers, but I won’t let self doubt convince me that it’s not possible to have the time or the sources to make it happen.
I want to get paid to write, however doing freelance pop culture and fluff pieces don’t ignite my passions. To tell the truth, I’d be intent with this site right here making me money. I’d continue to give you all my thoughts and more of my perspectives and experiences and make this a real lucrative home for the content that I’m passionate about sharing with you. Self doubt makes me think, is that even possible? Self awareness knows it is, but I haven’t built an audience big enough to gain monetization. And that means there is work to do.
It sucks to feel like you’re in a rut. It’s even worse to feel like you got the answer but can’t execute. I need and audience and a team. I don’t know where to begin to get either one. Now, I’m not selling a product or service. I’m selling myself. My mind and actions. My emotions and experiences. It feels liberating and I love the feel I get when I open a new post and just pour out myself to all of you. The answers are around the corner. I’m already dressed for the success. Self awareness will reign supreme, because I’m going to change my life one layer at a time.