So, I’m the problem?

I don’t like when other people make me their excuse. This weekend I’ve been blamed for everything that’s went wrong with one person and it’s honestly irritating. If I had that much power over everything negative, how come I never hear about the overwhelmingly positive effects I have?

Then, when I try to speak my peace of express myself, I’m coddled, consoled and treated like some mental case that can’t talk or speak without rage or violence to further solidify that the issue is me. That’s bullshit.

Often people ask why specifically black men don’t express themselves and why they don’t speak their mind and say how they feel. Well, those are two of my reasons why. I’m always blamed for things and not even treated like a normal adult when I want to explain myself. The people with the issue don’t want to listen to or respect the rebuttal. They just want to shut me up, shut me down or laugh me off and I hate that shit!

It’s another reason why I like to be alone and just write. I’m not the problem in my writing space. I’m heard and understood here. I have time to sort out feelings and get over things so I can get them off of my mind.

When I can’t express myself anger, animosity and anxiety set in. I shut down and close off. I even see now that hatred builds up. I don’t like being in environments where my presence and words aren’t respected.

All the praying I did before I got in the car yesterday morning and yet we are here. Think next time, I’ll go alone.