I’m in the process of altering and canceling my weekend plans. Trying to do the right thing and the smart thing is leading to a severe let down. I’m trying not to beat myself up over this, but I have nowhere to look but in the mirror.
I really have to change my life and circumstance. I’m so tired of this. I feel like a loser right now. This is a real fail. A fail in the category I hate to fail in the most. The only thing I am clinging to is the fact that I am going to find someway to make this happen. Just not on the day I wanted it to happen. I had to make a decision. A decision that was bigger than myself. A decision that was meant to break the cycle that I was once stuck in. While I want to applaud myself for making what I truly believe is the right decision, I’m disappointed in what the right decision effects. I never want to let certain people down. I never want to “can’t do” for certain people. I’m truly not where I want to be and this is just a reminder of that. I have to continue to push and thrive until this struggle is non-existent.
My mission is to never have to make this decision again. To be able to handle it all and then some. This is the very last time I cancel, change and alter for the reasons I had to today.